Sunday, November 6, 2011

Vein Popper #65 - Electric Sympathy Leech

We are ALL guilty of this if we have a blog, post on facebook, do the twitter thing or any other type of mass communication medium.  We post something that in order to illicit some sort of sympathetic response for ourselves.  For example "I watched some family lose everything they owned to floods AND fire on the news last night and couldn't sleep for fear of me losing everything.  Now I have to go out to dinner with friends but am too tired." as a status.  Now after reading a status like that, I want to absolutely destroy this person verbally but proper (yet insane) protocol would dictate that we post "awww... you're soooooooo sensitive and such a great person" or something sappy to that effect.  Now this might be a bit of an extreme status but there are actually people out there that post this kind of thing... and not only once or twice but something to this effect nearly EVERY STATUS!

Now, this is the thing that REALLY bothers me.  People using this social medium ALL THE TIME for inane status posting that are nothing but "Poor Me" type bullshit.  Everyone's entitled to a "Poor Me" status once in awhile but if your life is so screwed up that you whine in nearly every status, probably the first step of fixing it is to get off the damn computer or cut your data plan on your cell phone!  And here's something else to think about, I know in my household, if one person is having a bad day, it tends to spread by being in proximity to that person.  Think what you would be doing on a global scale by posting whiny posts all the bloody time!!  You could be the epicenter of a global funk!!  SHAME ON YOU!!!

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Vein Popper #81 – Driving Dogs

Alright… to me this is just plain stupidity and I really hope there is a law against it. I know we’ve all seen it to because the world is full of these morons. I’m referring to those insane drivers that think it’s perfectly alright to have a pet (I should say dog because I’ve never seen any other animal do this), sit in the drivers lap while they are driving and have their head stuck out the window… Seriously?? Are these people on crack?? How in the world can people possibly think this is safe?? And what gets me is it is usually done in town where you perform more turns and in general, you REALLY need to focus on the road in case some kid jumps out from behind a parked car or something. What really gets me is that most of these evolutionary throwbacks think they care for their pets as much as they would care for a child. That’s just not possible but that’s a whole different vein popper. But even if they did… would you really hold your child in the drivers’ seat while you drove around… maybe let them hang their head out the window?? It would serve them right if they got into a fender bender and the air bag went off!!! Tee Hee

Vein Popper #36 – Corner Store Gamblers

This has probably happened to each and everyone of us and usually when we’re in a hurry. I’m referring to the jackass that has to have the clerk check about a hundred lottery tickets, purchase new ones with his/her winnings… then proceed to play 5 or 6 THOUSAND rounds of those instant tear away tickets (the actual name escapes me right now but you know damn well of the tickets I mean… they come in a big, see through container). This is so maddening!!!!! Do these morons not have a life??? Do they not know that the OLG has installed do-it-yourself lottery checkers so the cashier can’t bone you?!?!?! Plus these people that evolution have forgot seem to choose to do this only when there will be a line of 5 or 6 people behind them!!... and lastly… and this is truly the thing-da-resistance that is enough to give an aspirin a headache (I saw that last one on a T-Shirt) is the way these people turn around every now and then and actually have the gull to smile at you… REALLY??? You think a little smile is going to stop my blood from evaporating in my veins because it is so boiling hot mad??? No… what would sooth the savage beast is if you checked one round of tickets, then went to the back of the damn line in order for the rest of us to get on with our bloody lives!!!

Monday, June 27, 2011

Vein Popper #108 - Car Chatting

Alright... cell phone drivers are a real pain in the ass and VERY dangerous on the roads... but this post isn't about them. This post is about those supremely annoying and stuck up, center of the FRIGGIN UNIVERSE idiots that actually pre-date cell phones! Those jackasses that stop their vehicle all higgly-piggly in the middle of TRAFFIC just so they can open up their window and yell/chat with their friend on the street! It wouldn't be so bad if... I don't know... THEY PULLED THEIR VEHICLE OVER INSTEAD OF LEAVING IT IN THE MIDDLE OF AN INTERSECTION BLOCKING MY WAY!!! UGH!!... damn morons. I swear to whatever god you choose to believe in if my son hadn't been in the truck with me today, I would have floored it into the ass end of that womans' crappy little car!! And before you all wig out on me, lets get one thing clear. This wasn't a quick little stop, yell "Hi!" and move on. NO... This was a pull into the MIDDLE of the intersection, open up the window and start spewing everything that ever happened... EVER. And to top it off... she was a hand talker too. That's a good combo isn't it... Hand talker + Idiot friend to chat with next to you + You at the wheel of a vehicle = Maybe Darwinism will solve my problem for me.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Vein Popper #47 - Radio Announcements During Power Outages

This BUGS THE HELL OUT OF ME!!! We have a power outage for a substantial amount of time… the radio broadcasts keep saying to check out their website for details… DOES ANYONE SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THIS?!?! How the hell are we suppose to check the webpage if we have no power (unless we ALL have cell phones with internet access which WE DON’T!).


Sunday, May 8, 2011

Vein Popper #53 - Too much packaging!

Alright, the companies that make and sell just about everything have been doing this for a LONG time. Too much packaging!! Do we REALLY need to buy a box of something where everything inside it is individually wrapped?? Food products tend to be really bad but the worst is kids toys!! Every bloody thing in the box for a toy seems to be double wrapped in plastic or cardboard!! Take Lego for example. I used to get lego sets of a thousand pieces. I'd open the box and pour EVERY PIECE onto the floor and start building. Now they have all the pieces grouped (with very little actual thought put into the groupings I might add!) into plastic packages that are a real bitch to open!! You can easily have 10-15 packages in a single kit! I'm not sure who came up with the idea to double and triple package everything a consumer purchases... but i'm sure they have a heart as black as coal!

Vein Popper #97 - Inability to control time

Now I'm not talking about time management skills here. I REALLY want the ability to control time. Move backwards and forwards through it with a mere thought. Is this so much to ask?? I wouldn't even interfere with the past like sitting on that first fish that crawled out of the pond!!

Monday, April 25, 2011

Vein Popper #205 - Royal Wedding Fanaticism

OK… I don’t have a problem with people who are just CURIOUS about this wedding between William and Kate. That’s only natural because of all the stupid hoopla surrounding these people (who are just people and not better then the rest of us!). What drives me nuts is the people who think this wedding is more important then anyone else’s wedding just because they are royalty!! GET A CLUE PEOPLE!! Royalty in itself is a farce that really needs to be done away with, but I’ll save that for another vein popper. The mere thought that they are filming this thing in 3D is only slightly less unsettling than the thought of people willing to actually purchase it!!??!! I could understand if it was the wedding between Troi and Riker because that was actually important… but these are people that, in the grand scheme of things, have DONE NOTHING!!

There… I feel a little better getting that off my chest.

PS. If you don’t know who Troi and Riker are, you should be tied up in a sack, the sack thrown into a river and the river hurled into space. That’s all I have to say about that.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Vein Popper #27 - DAMN YOU SHIT HAWKS!!!!

Seagulls... aka. Shit Hawks. How I hate these flying bags of feces! They do nothing but ruin paint jobs, create slipping hazards, and on several occasions, turn perfectly good clothes into smelly ink blot tests. They have become so bad at my work they have actually brought in a company that specializes in their removal through the use of birds of prey and nest destruction. Well it ain't working! They wipe out nests on an almost daily basis but the buggers are quite prolific. And as for the birds of prey... well I think all the gulls took a look at a couple Bald Eagles and Hawks chained to the ground and thought "Look at you... all majestic and austere... oh wait, what's this?? You're chained to the ground you tool... well then... I must crap on you! CRAP CRAP!!". I almost feel sorry for the things. Then I realize that the Bald Eagles and Hawks have a job to do and THEY AREN'T DOING IT! Makes me hate Bald Eagles and Hawks too... well the lazy ones anyways.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Vein Popper #127 - Insufficient Light

This isn’t so much of a vein popper but a mild annoyance at poor planning. I really enjoy going to the movies and over the last several years, theatres have offered a free magazine as you go into the theatre. These magazines are quite good because they are full of info on the latest movies coming out. Now the vein popper here is this: Why in the world would you offer a magazine to your patrons to pass the time if you aren’t going to give them enough light to read the damn thing?!?! Seriously, I have pretty good eyesight in the darkness as most men do (Something about rods vs cones ladies, look it up if you don’t believe me). But I certainly don’t have TOTAL NIGHT VISION and that’s what you almost need in some movie theatres if you want to have any chance at all of deciphering the pictures, let alone the text to go with them! I swear I was eyeing up what I thought was Lindsay Lohan in one of the pics… when I got out of the movies and looked at the picture in daylight, turned out it was Zac Efron… Either way I felt dirty.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Vein Popper #15 - Migraines... a literal vein popper

I am a migraine sufferer. Along with that, I am a frequent headache sufferer. This is due to a couple reasons.

#1. I'm a big guy, which means I'm not the healthiest guy in the world. This means that my blood pressure is probably a tad on the high side which can, surprise surprise... CAUSE HEADACHES! I AM working on this little problem so
back the hell off!

#2. My very genetic makeup. You see, Mother Nature decided not to give me a cool mutation like bone claws, enhanced healing factor, or wings... OK, that last one may not work because a guy my size would need wings the size of a bloody bus! No... I got this nifty little mutation that makes me hypersensitive to the barometeric pressure so I can sense storms coming. Cool right??? NOOOOoooooo... you see the warning system I have is in the form of nausea and... can you guess the punch line?? THAT'S RIGHT!!! MIGRAINES!!!

You see the irony in this right?? I can literally sense when a severe storm is approaching. One so bad it can cause tornado's and the such... you know the ones right? The ones that can KILL YOU!! But my early warning system is debillitating headaches that leave me unable to move... I'll just take a moment to let that sink in.

Intelligent design my ass!

But the only thing worse then these headaches are the people who never get them, and think you're faking it to get out of... . I CURSE ALL YOU THAT DO THIS WITH HEMORRHOIDS THE SIZE OF BOWLING BALLS!

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Vein Popper #71 - Measure once, cut twice... throw away

I’ve become a pretty handy guy over the years necessitated by the fact that despite my best intentions, everything I purchase seems to be a “fixer-upper”. This goes from the smallest devices such as outlets (I’ve electrocuted myself so many times I’ve got patches on my body the hair won’t grow anymore) to major projects such as pergola’s, fences and even new water piping. Over that time, you would think I would learn enough lessons that I would become somewhat decent at “do-it-yourself” projects. Sadly, this has not been the case. I have a real knack of underestimating the time it will take to do a project mainly because any and all foreseeable things that can go wrong WILL go wrong (and some real doozy’s that AREN’T foreseeable because they are so ludicrous, it’s a mathematically certainty it can’t happen!). Murphy’s law is actually my family credo!

The situation has become a Vein Popper because I have yet to take on a project, no matter the size, that has not gone 100% to plan. Not the slightest one! It is so aggravating because the simplest task now requires hours a thought and pumping myself up! I know it has to be psychological. If it wasn’t, that would mean there is one sadistic bastard running the show and using me as the punch line to an awful joke that goes along the line “Lets see how much electricity we can pump into this shaved ape…”!

To emphasize this Vein Popper, I just took down my Christmas Lights... Things were going good. I had just pulled down the last string, was coming down the ladder... and shattered an outside light with my elbow. It took me longer to clean up the bits of glass, remove the old bulb with pliers, then clean up the new shards of glass from the bulb removal then to take down the Christmas lights! Then when I came into the house to clean up, I blew a light bulb in the bathroom. UGH!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Vein Popper #117 - No more cool cups at gas stations

What happened to the days when you filled up at the gas station and you got a really cool cup with the Muppets on it... or Star Wars even?? And that was back when gas was south of $.40 a liter!! We pay over 3 times that now!! You'd think the gas stations would be handing out MP3 players or Computers!! But nope... the only thing I've ever gotten is a questionnaire on their service and a CHANCE to win $5000. LIKE THAT WOULD EVER HAPPEN!! You would figure with the price they are charging us for gas, the very least they could do is give us a free tube of KY as they bend us over the pump every time we gas up!!

Vein Popper #98 - "Girl Power"

I know I may be stepping into a shit storm with no umbrella and my mouth wide open here but these are things that bug ME so here I go. 2 words… “girl power”. Essentially the whole feminist movement bugs me to no end! Now please don’t confuse the feminist movement with equality because it’s not. Equality to me is not saying everyone is equal but recognizing EVERYONE’S strengths and weaknesses, then utilizing those strengths and help work to overcome weaknesses so they don’t jump up and bite you in the ass. But when someone starts yelling “girl power” or cheering for a woman JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE A WOMAN… well that just rubs me the wrong way. I am willing to admit that I am perceiving the situation from a male point of view but I do like to consider myself a rather progressive kinda guy. So for anyone saying “Oh he’s just a guy and doesn’t get it…”, think about that and if you aren’t being a tad sexist.

PS. I hate ANYTHING that betters a group of people and not others just because of race, sex or religion. I just happen to hate the phrase “girl power” with a white hot intensity! Thank you very much Spice Girls.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Vein Popper #83 - Moronic radio ads

Now I know ANY ad you can remember for whatever reason is a good one. That includes really stupid ads. But it's one thing to intentionally create a crummy ad and not knowing you've created a monster!

One sure fire way to create a crap-tastic radio ad is to have 30+ year olds not only write a script as if they were teenagers but then also read the part! I have serious doubts that the teenagers in my area sound like Sean Penn from Fast Times at Ridgemont High (He was the Stoner/Surfer)!!

A little tip for all you business types that want to advertise on radio targeting teens, grab a group of teens from the highschool, have them write a few ads then READ it for the air rather then letting some local radio personalities try reliving their youth on the air!!!

Vein Popper #125 - Coffee Addicts

This little beauty really pisses me off... People who have to take their Tim Horton Coffee's EVERYWHERE! It's bloody ridiculous! The worst of these junkies are the mothers who take their kids to swim lessons and bring their coffee's through the changeroom and into the pool area WHERE, I might add, is clearly marked NOT to have food or drink! I guess the rules don't apply to THEM. In their infinity stupidity, they have never once stopped and thought "Hey, Having a HOT coffee where children are running around and getting changed for swimming, COUPLED with the fact that the floor is wet and is a slipping hazard MIGHT be a tad bit dangerous...?". I HATE THESE WOMAN!!! (I haven't seen a man do it but it doesn't mean they haven't).

Could these people not go 1 hour without a coffee????

On a side note, these mothers tend to be the ones wearing outside shoes into the pool area as well. They should all be round up and either shot or sent back to school to learn how to read!

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Vein Popper #73 - People who can't read simple signs

I've got a couple examples of these supremely annoying people that can give tropical skin diseases lessons on irritation!

Example 1. People who can not follow simple traffic signs. Such as "No Left Turns" or "One Way". I've been cut off several times by idiots coming out of the drive through at our local Tim Hortons. There is a big old sign saying "No Left Turns" but I would have to say 90% of the people coming out of there make exactly that! The icing on this blood pressure rising cake is they have the gull to flip ME the bird or honk. I've even been followed to my destination so the person could get out and yell at me. I actually welcome these little diversions though for you see, I can be one intimidating SOB when push comes to shove. Lets just say the little punk left with his tale between his legs and a VERY embarassed looking girlfriend.

Example 2. When I worked in a grocery store, I always hated when some customer (usually ladies around 40ish) would rush in 5 minutes before closing and say they just needed to grab a few things. This is when they would proceed to pull out a list that if fully unrolled, would cross several time zones. It's not like the store times weren't clearly marked! It's on the bloody door you came in through! These shoppers would rush around the store for the most part LOOKING like they were speed shopping, but this in fact was a total illusion. If you looked carefully, they always had something in their hand but most of the time, it would not make it into the cart. They would also always hit the deli last so all the wrapped meats that had been prepared for the night would have to be reopened to get 2-3 slices of each one. SO FRUSTRATING! Lastly, the customer would always have to make some comment about feeling "rushed" out of the store as they were leaving. NO DUH! At this point, it's usually 45 mins after closing. Next time, READ THE SIGN!

Friday, March 18, 2011

Vein Popper #101 - Snow blower shredding

It doesn't happen as nearly as often as it used to, but it still happens. Our local flyers get delivered to us all wrapped up in a transparent bag. NORMALLY they get delivered to us by being placed right at our door. However, this is not ALWAYS the case. Sometimes they are dropped off at the end of our driveway. This is usally followed by a heavy snow fall. Can you see where I'm going with this? That's right! When Mr. Bag'O'Flyers gets in a wee argument with Mr. SnowBlower, the outcome is always the same. Mr. Bag'O'Flyers becomes Mrs. Confetti! And sadly, Mrs. Confetti is a rather large woman who usally encompasses all of my front lawn.

Now Mr. SnowBlower isn't picky about who he gets in a fight with either. You should have seen what he did to Mr. Tennis Ball, Father Asphalt, Mrs. Stone and last but certainly not least, the Chipmunk Family (they won't be making any albums anytime soon!).

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Vein Popper #59 - Having to take a leak...during a movie... in a theatre

This drives me nuts! You're sitting in the movie theatre enjoying the hell out of a movie (wouldn't be a vein popper if the movie sucked and you didn't mind leaving!), then the call of nature hits you! A small tickle at first... easily put to the back of your mind. But like every great biological eruption, this micro shock is only a pre-cursor to the main event. But before it the flood gates can open, two things must first happen.

1. The storyline must get complicated, drawing together all the characters and associated problems into an intricate puzzle where, with one little detail, the whole plot will crystalize and become perfectly clear

and 2. The tremors of your bladder start building pressure and the simple act of crossing your legs causes your back teeth to start floating.

At this point and only this point, you are now ready to jump seats and walk over people to get to the facilities while praying to any and all gods that the mere act of standing doesn't slacken the muscles holding your violently shaking bladder together.

At this juncture, it will not matter how long it takes to go to the bathroom, be it 5 seconds or 5 minutes... you have MISSED the important plot detail. The rest of the movie will feel like there is something lacking... and that is because there is. My only advice is this. Get over it or pop a vein!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Vein Popper #304 - Duelies

Alright... for those who don't know what "Duelies" are, they are the second set of tires duct taped or stapled to the rear wheels of a truck.

The reason they have made the vein popper list (looking stupid just doesn't count... yet) is that most of our roads and ALL of the parking spots in our little world are not designed for these vehicular equivalants to silicone implants! Have you ever had one of these monstrosities park next to you?? It's damn near impossible to get out of your parking spot OR in your vehicle!!

That's why I always carry a socket wrench... because ya never know when it will come in handy!

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Vein Popper #178 - Tinkering with Salisbury Steak

I used to love Swansons Salisbury Steak! It was fast, easy and tasted great! Especially the hungry man's dinner because it had 2 steaks! Then the unthinkable happened... they toyed with the recipe and now it's salisbury steak WITH mushrooms... I HATE FRIGGIN MUSHROOMS!! THEY MAKE ME SO SICK!! THEY RUINED IT FOR ME!

Now I know they did this quite some time ago but I feel it still deserves a Vein Popper title because everytime I go down the freezer isle at the grocery store, I always head to the TV dinner section to check if the people at Swansons have recieved my letters and returned this classic meal to it's former glory... Sadly, I always leave the isle with a vein throbbing and a tear on my cheek.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Vein Popper #80 - Vending machine ate my money

I'd like to find one person this little scenario doesn't piss off! You put your change into a vending machine, you push in the buttons, you watch that delicious treat inch ever so slightly to the edge... then nothing. It bloody well hangs there!

Once this occurs, 3 things tend to happen right afterwards.

1. You hit the buttons again hoping it's just a programming error. It NEVER is. This step is futile but whatever.
2. You look around to make sure no one is watching, then shake the machine like a madman. This on occasion works and is why we do it. Hell, sometimes you don't even need to put money in and it still works!
3. So shaking the machine hasn't worked... that leaves one option. You walk away shaking your head. When you get about 10 paces away, you hurridly turn around and take a run at the damn thing, throwing yourself into the air and become a 300lbs ballistic gorilla in sugar withdrawal! This almost never works though because those stupid machines are made from some kind of polycarbonate (bullet proof glass). More often then not, this little tactic knocks all the junk food to the back of the machine and your local social club members come out running to make sure their money maker is alright!

All in all, the best thing to do if the machine ate your money is just leave it alone. You're shoulder and possibly your head will thank you.

Vein Popper #148 - Wearing someone's "Dream Underwear"

I work in a place where before I begin work, I strip nekkid and change into provided work clothing which includes undergarments. To most people, the thought of putting on someone elses underwear is just disgusting. To me, i've been doing it for so long, it doesn't even raise my blood pressure a point. That being said, there IS something about the situation that does make it a vein popper for me!

Putting on someone elses "Dream Underwear". These little treasures are the underwear someone dreamt they could fit into! What kind of dope they were smoking at the time is beyond me but it must have been good! Once someone has put on their pair of dream underwear, the elastic band gets stretched so much you would think it was made of Kryponite! Once they are done with them, they go into a big bin, sent off to be cleaned, then brought back to be put in the bin for the next use.

This is where my trouble begins! It is not always easy to tell when you have grabbed someone elses dream underwear and is only usually made apparent about 30 minutes later when you are having a hard time keeping the underwear above your knee's while you're walking! After about 2 hours, these little marvels of science break all physical laws and fall off through one of your pant legs with your pants still on!! EXPLAIN THAT PROFESSOR HAWKING!!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Vein Popper #124 - The "Playa" holding up the line

I work at a place that requires you to drive through a security check and show them your badge with your picture on it. Pretty simple and fairly quick when a person has their badge ready and their window down as they drive up to the security guard. What can derail this simple transaction of identity is when there is an attractive female security guard manning the checkpoint (It may slow down woman if there is an attractive male security guard but i'm not sure... woman's brains don't tend to be located in two locations on their bodies).

Now, the problem arises when a male see's that their is a female security officer and does everything humanly possible to get into the lane that goes to her checkpoint... this includes cutting other motorists off causing THEM to veer into the ditch spooking the hidden security agents in the trees who are already a little jumpy from downing a 6 pack of redbull and reading the latest issue of "Guns'n'Ammo". These wired officers then mistake the ditched 1997 honda civic for a military grade hummer full of Terrorists. The ensuing gun battle could be viewed as a tad one sided. AND all of this happens just because some guy wanted to make sure he got to hit on an attractive security agent!

That being said, this IS NOT what pops my veins (I don't drive a civic so what do I care?? It's actually fun to watch if you keep your head). What cheeses me off is these guys have to make small talk with the security guard thinking she might ACTUALLY be interested in them!! That's all fine and good but can you strike out on your OWN time please!! After watching (and in the summer when my window is down, hearing) them crash and burn countless number of times, it does get a little old. And the worst part is we are in the midst of a hiring blitz so there are lots of new guys coming to the site thinking they have a shot! I'm having to leave earlier and earlier to make it on time at work because I have to wait in line for these hot shots to strike out!

One final note. I must apologize. I did embellish things a little bit about the security agents shooting up the civic. As far as I know, none of the agents can read :)

On reflection, I was a bit critical of our security forces seeing as they are NOT the problem. I just threw in a few things for laughs. If you can't figure out what I made up and didn't make up, then you're a moron.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Vein Popper #34 - Screwing up an order going through the drive-through

I've worked the fast food industry. It doesn't take a whole lot of intelligence to do it. Actually the more intelligence you have, the worse off you are because you begin to create inane and stupid things to do until you can punch out and get on with your life! However, there seems to be people out there who just can't seem to punch in a food order correctly. For example, I visit my kids fav. restaurant on the way home to treat them (It's the one with the golden butt cheeks that seem to get fatter with every billion served). I say my order, they repeat it back to me CORRECTLY I might add... I would check it on the screen they so handily provide but it never appears to work so I trust them that they get it right. I drive up, sign over my house to pay for the deep fried fat on a bun, grab my bags and head home. Now... can anyone spot my mistake?? I DIDN'T CHECK THE FREAK'N BAGS! Stupid me for assuming my server has an IQ greater then a bloody glass of water!

I pull out my kids meals... all good. My wife's meal... all good. My meal... SCREWED! Now I have a delicate stomach (even though you wouldn't know it from looking at me). Certain foods do not sit well within it's bubbling confines. Mustard is one of those things. So when I ask for a burger with just cheese and ketchup, it's not only because I don't particularly like the other toppings but one of them actually makes me ill. I can't even just scrape it off because the smallest amount can set off a gastronomic nightmare. My meal now consists of salt mashed in with potatoes with no BBQ sauce (I Love their BBQ sauce by the way, but they screwed that up too and forgot to put it in the bag).

Now if this had only happened once... sucks to be me. I can live with it and move on. But it has happened over and over again. What is so difficult reading a screen!?! Were they just repeating everything back to me like a parrot... THEN try typing it in from memory as i'm driving up?? Boggles my mind and makes my head throb!

Monday, February 28, 2011

Vein Popper # 207 - Pretending to be impressed

This one really drives me nuts because I'm finding I'm doing it without even realizing it! We've all been there and done it so don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. It could be over anything from someones' cooking to a childs' accomplishment. If you don't "ooooh" and "ahhhh", it's percieved as rude. GIVE ME A BREAK!! Not EVERYTHING can be the pinnacle of perfection!! There is a lot more mountain below those snow caps then above it! YEESH!

Side note: EVERYTHING my wife and kids do is perfection to me. I'm referring to everyone else.

Vein Popper #94 - Little bowls of water with a lemon in them at Swiss Chalet

They taste awful. N'uff said.

Vein Popper #9 - Being told how I should think and feel

Why is it that when most people have an opinion of something, they feel the need that this opinion be shared by everyone?? This is such a broad topic it's hard to get into but it includes biggies like religious and political beliefs right down to how something tastes good or bad! THEY ARE OPINIONS!! That means there doesn't have to be any rational facts behind them!!! They are for the most part completely subjective! This means to all you people having a hard time grasping this simple premise, that when I say Broccoli tastes like crap to me... it is NOT an opening for you to say how good it tastes! I was voicing my opinion which doesn't have to be right or wrong. I was NOT starting a dialouge in which you state all the universal benefits of having a diet consisting of produce that doesn't cast a shadow! So when I or anyone gives their opinion about something and they don't stare at you expecting a response, just LET IT GO! Don't say a word even if you disagree! It simply isn't worth the effort!

I could really drone on and on about this one and give a thousand examples but I'm kinda lazy... and I like that about myself!

PS. I'll have you all know I eat broccoli to set an example for my kids... still think it tastes like crap though.

Vein Popper #24 - Falling off the roof

Whether you land in a snowbank or in the bushes, falling off the roof still hurts! I've become an old pro at it myself but as I find I get older, "tuck & roll" has been replaced with "go limp". It's just easier! And no matter how you land, at the age i'm at now, things don't heal so quickly!!

Stupid ice on the stupid roof. Why can't I leave my Christmas lights up all year round!?!

Vein Popper #38 - Overly cautious drivers

I suffer this one nearly daily on my trip to and from work in the winter. It happens when there is a little bit of snow on the road or it's snowing a little bit outside. All of a sudden these people now have to drive no faster then 60 k/hr on the highways and break hard every time a car is coming from the opposite direction!

The way I see it, these people would do everyone else on the road a great service if they did 1 of 3 things... 1. SPEED UP YOU JACKASS!, 2. Run yourself into the ditch so you get off the road AND give us something to talk about when we get to work, and 3. Don't even leave the house!

This is Canada. WE GET SNOW! This is also a county that tends to get A LOT OF SNOW! Learn to drive in it or don't drive in it at all!

I'm not saying drive like a bullet shot out of a gun stuck up the ass of a bat out of hell! Even driving the set speed limit and not breaking for oncoming traffic would be fine!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Vein Popper #113 - Wrong way at the pumps

How hard is it to follow simple instructions in the form of 6' arrows painted on the ground indicating which direction to be facing while pulling up to gas pumps.... APPARENTLY PRETTY FRIGGIN HARD!!! Morons that pull up to the pumps in the opposite direction to the arrows really pisses me off! ESPECIALLY IF THERE IS A LINE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PUMPS!! What is it with these people?? Do they think they are so above other people the rules don't apply to them... or are they genuinely that STUPID that they don't understand simple arrows?? And if that is the case... HOW DID THEY GET THEIR LICENCES?!? Love to see how these morons do on a round-a-bout!

Vein Popper #18 - Wind Turbines

They are a pipe dream. They are expensive, inefficient at converting wind into energy and create energy at only windy periods which don't tend to be peak times. You do the math. If you still think they are a good idea... then you are too stupid to do basic math and belong in a hut built of mud... which incidentally doesn't need electricity.

Vein Popper #267 - The "One Upper"

Everyone knows at least one of these people... and probably has been guilty of it at least a few times in their life. It's the person that hears a story from someone and tries to top it. I don't mind this if we're talking about funny stories because even if it is untrue, it's usually a good laugh.

What bugs me though is if you legitimatly don't feel well or something bad has happened to you and you might be looking for just a little sympathy or understanding, but instead get a jerkoff that has to immediately go into a story about how bad THIER life is right now and wishes they only had your problems. WHAT THE HELL YOU STUPID JERK?!?! If it was so bad, why didn't you complain before?!? You just HAD to wait until someone else said something?? I hope whatever is bugging you lays eggs in your brain, those eggs hatch, and they all release some sort of horrible gas that smells AWFUL as they chomp away on your grey matter!

Vein Popper #48 - Butter where there should be NO butter

Alright... I don't like butter unless it's on popcorn or corn. THAT'S FRIGGIN IT! I hate it when it's on sandwiches... I hate it when it's on a hamburger bun... and I REALLY hate it when there is gobs of it in a jam jar or peanut butter jar. And HOW did it get there you may ask?? From the moron who THINKS butter should be on everything so ruins a perfectly good piece of toast with it THEN uses the same damn knife and dips it into the bloody jam jar!!??!! THAT'S DISGUSTING AND RUDE!!!! Use a different knife!! It looks like there is floating pieces of white boogers in the Jam after you've done that!!!

Vein Popper #190 - Award Shows

For the most part, every award show is a total load of crap! That includes the Oscars, Emmy's, Juno's, and every other piece of self serving, indulgent piece of crap out there that has "Best picture", "Best Director", "Best... ". And the only thing worse then these idiotic shows is the people who watch them and think they are great!

The only type of award that might actually mean something is if everyone got to vote on the particular Movie/Show/Actor/etc. I believe that's what they kind of do on the Peoples Choice awards and a possibly the awards on Space channel. Other then that, it's a bunch of people sitting around deciding what other people should think is the best! WHAT A LOAD OF GARBAGE!!

Vein Popper #75 - Sold out of flyer specials... ON THE FIRST DAY!

What the hell?!?! Most stores learn about the flyer specials well in advance of the sale so they can order appropriately. Unfortunately I tend to go to stores where they have a retard doing the ordering and don't order enough of the product(or any at all!) that is going to be on sale AND will likely be a big seller! When you ask them about the product in question, they look at you like a monkey doing a math problem and say "I'm not sure why we don't have that product?... we should...". NO FRIGGIN DUH MACHIAVELLI!!

What irks me more though with regards to this situation is when the store does order the product but a bunch of family members of the cashiers come in the day before the sale and clean the place out before the sale even comes on!! These people (and the cashiers) should be strung up and beaten to death with the products they ripped off by the people that waited patiently for the sale to even begin!

Vein Popper #231 - Pictures in Facebook

At the risk of being a hypocrite (because I'm too lazy to go back through my own photos!), People who post pictures on facebook with no caption explaining where/when it is!!... AND... they don't even bother rotating the picture so I don't have to crank my neck to view them!!

COME ON PEOPLE!! It's not bloody rocket science!! Don't be bloody lazy and just throw in pics all higgly-piggly and expect people to know where they were taken or what they are refering to!! GAWD THAT PISSES ME OFF!

Vein Popper #103 - Story Lines in a Porn Flick

This one is pretty much a no brainer! Does the average porn watcher REALLY need a story line? Does it make the experience all that much better if we know WHY that girl in pig tails and a naughty catholic school girl outfit has a problem keeping her knickers up for any guy (and sometimes a girl) that has a heartbeat?? I say "NO!!".

If anything... there should be LESS story lines and more chapters in the dvd's to get to the good spots!!... say every 30 seconds??